Troian Tackles Taboos: Her Brave Confession

Troian Bellisario, a 28 year-old thriving actress, has been one of my inspirations since 2010, when she landed her breakout role as Spencer Hastings in ABC Family’s, Pretty Little Liars. Since the pilot, I have found I both related to Spencer’s perfectionistic and panicky outbreaks, as well as looked up to her perseverance and resilient skills. In fact, the reason I achieved all A’s my sophomore year was because I was trying to be a real life Spencer. I saw all of this fictional character’s strengths and believed it was possible to bring her to life. What I failed to see is that Spencer is a combination of wardrobe designers, makeup artists, scriptwriters, directors, and Troian herself. So, instead, I began to look up to Troian not for being Spencer, but for being who she really is. 

It’s funny, as I learned more about the real Troian, I realized she’s actually got quite a lot in common with her role as Spencer: “I grew up in a very wealthy family around a very wealthy group of people. My high school was a private school where you went to an Ivy League. So I grew up never being okay with a ‘B’ because a ‘B’ wasn’t good enough…and, I think Spencer is kind of in that. She’s in this beautiful, golden cage where everybody just says ‘you have everything so you have no excuse to trip up.’” This pressure put on her as an adolescent is fairly common, and going to a similar private school with similar expectations, I can easily understand how she might have felt; and why Troian chose now to finally speak up about the underlying struggles that also occurred during her own high school years.

Troian at Seventeen's cover unveil in Barnes and Noble, NY. Image source: http://justfabzz.com/

In Seventeen’s most recent issue, Troian revealed what she was like when she was 17 in her raw and personal interview. For the first time, Troian opened up about her past, more specifically, her self-destruction: “I became imprisoned.” The pressure to be perfect led to both self-harm and an eating disorder. Troian admits to Seventeen, “I started self-harming when I was a junior. I would withhold food or withhold going out with my friends, based on how well I did that day in school. It was about wanting to be perfect to everybody. I thought if I ever expressed [to my parents] any sadness or anger or anything that’s going on with me, they would disown me. I kept a lot of it bottled up inside, and it turned into self-destructive behavior.”

What I admire the most is her empowerment to speak up about what’s way too often considered a taboo topic, something swept under the rug along with other family secrets. And her honesty in sharing her story makes me love her even more. I know I’m not the only fan of hers that may be going through similar struggles, and her brave article helps us realize that we are not alone, that there is hope thanks to Troian’s openness and conquered confidence in her own skin; for she is an inspiration to all. We love you, T!

I Think I Need a Sunrise

It is so easy to feel alone. In a world, where everyone is subconsciously concerned with him or herself, it can feel lonely at times, especially those times when you don't necessarily wish to care for your own self. We've all felt this way; it's normal. And right now, I feel very alone. I'm sitting in the corner of a library, perpetually hiding. Hiding from peers, certain commitments, feared judgment, everything. It's been a hard few days here in the frozen tundra of MN. (Thank goodness for the heat wave today, and by that, I mean it was only -15°F this morning). What's hard about feeling this way is that others don't notice it. I'm still here, sitting at lunch and working in class, like always. I'm still laughing and participating when a teacher calls my name. So naturally, you'd think, how could I be alone? Why do I feel this way? And why now?

There's a teacher at my school who recently announced she's leaving. She made the decision to start over somewhere new. Her reasoning seemed simple: she wasn't happy living here, and after a reasonable time to adjust, she's decided to find a new home. And I admire her for that. I envy her, even, because I wish I could start over somewhere else as well. Sure, I have college next year; and as exciting as that can be, it's also terrifying. Maybe I need to do what this teacher is doing: start over, move somewhere where nobody knows my name or where I come from. There's nothing left for me here, and instead of letting that sink and rot inside of me, I'll use it to my advantage and search for a home where I won't feel so sad and alone.

It's also important to keep perspective in mind. Will this matter in a year from now? In 365 days, will I still be hiding in the library, feeling alone and scared, on the verge of giving up? Well... next year at this time, I'll be in a new city, a new environment, a new home. It's just worrisome right now, because I don't know where this new home will be. It's the uncertainty of it all that's so hard because it's like driving with your eyes closed. I like to know where I'm going. Sure, it's quite possible I could still feel this way, but it'll be different because I'll be different. And maybe, just maybe, I won't be so alone there.

Rising Above Hollywood's Status Quo

Ever watched an interview of Jennifer Lawrence? Well, you should. They're full of raw and real humorous comments. Every interview I've watched, (and trust me, it's a very large number), she constantly has to throw in, "My publicist is going to kill me for saying that." Yet, she continues to be truthful and honest, which is so refreshing to see. I think that's one of the reasons why she is so highly loved by fans, because she is not like all the other branded actresses out there in the hectic life of Hollywood. 

The very talented Jennifer Lawrence made her big break two years ago, when she landed the main role in the movie, The Hunger Games. With a rapidly growing group of supporters and fans, primarily made up of young girls, Lawrence had successfully challenged society's status quo of what a typical Hollywood celebrity would need to eat, dress, say, believe, and overall, do. So many young individuals look up to her as a strong warrior because of her first big role as Katniss, who breaks through the stereotype that girls are weak and inferior to boys. Katniss is seen as a strong, smart, and independent woman, who ultimately survives more than just a game; she survives the struggles thrown at her. Followers of Lawrence see her portrayed as Katniss and come to believe they can achieve whatever dream they have; for if Katniss can do it, they certainly can as well. 

A major reason why I greatly respect miss Jennifer Lawrence is because she promises to never diet for an acting role. This issue broke out after the premiere of the first Hunger Games, for some believed she looked "too healthy" to play the part of Katniss. Lawrence worked on getting fit and strong for training and filming, rather than dropping a few pounds. Lawrence tells ELLE Magazine in a 2012 interview, "I don't want little girls to be like, 'Oh, I want to look like Katniss, so I'm going to skip dinner. That's something I was really conscious of during training." Unlike the majority of Hollywood, Lawrence maintains a healthy, womanly body figure; and hopefully young girls, who may be struggling with fitting into their own role in life, will admire and aim to be like her--rather than an actress say like, Natalie Portman, who (as wonderful as she is) dropped 20 pounds to fit her role in The Black Swan. In Hollywood, Lawrence is considered a fat actress. I guess since you can't see her ribs sticking out when she's on the beach, she's overweight. WHAT? That's normal. Hollywood carries such a hypocritical attitude, where celebrities are called out for looking too fat, so they lose weight. But then they are proceeded to be called too skinny, and rumors of celebrities suffering from eating disorders arise. It's a body-image mindset cycle of Hollywood that seems impossible to escape, at least for many actresses constantly scrutinized in tabloids. But at the same time, Hollywood is making fun of people for looking normal, for looking like us, their fans. Lawrence does a nice job at addressing this issue, and I hope many other fans of hers acknowledge her values and fresh perspective in our skewed society.  

Welcome!

Ah, it appears you have stumbled across my newly created blog! After four years of dedicatedly running a Tumblr blog (click here), I realized it is time to find a place where my rants and views can be organized and openly expressed,  as I search for my place in this world. The other night as I rummaged through old journals, searching for pieces to the puzzle of my late adolescence, I came across some insight from the younger-me: I guess I love imperfections and stories too much, because I solely wish to become one imperfect fable of a girl. So here is my imperfect fable. I have too many over-thinking thoughts in my mind, and a small vent every so often on Tumblr doesn't do it justice. So, I found myself here. And maybe, you'll find yourself here, too. At the moment, I just hope there is someone out there who hasn't already closed this tab and is still reading this. Thank you, I can promise you there will be better posts to come :)